The Bad Good Movie: When it feels like THE BEST THING EVER

REALITY BITES: The job ends. The holiday is disappointing. The person tells someone. The perfect guy gets hangry.

And suddenly we're dealing not only with what happened, but with the enormous gap between the movie we were expecting and the movie we actually got.

We spend a lot of time talking about worst-case thinking - but our brains can also become very attached to the best-case scenario.

They'll never sack me.

This is going to be THE BEST holiday ever.

She would never tell anyone. She's 100% trustworthy.

I met the PERFECT guy!

When we perceive something or someone as “all good,” the body naturally wants to move towards it. This is our impulse to seek.

And just as believing something is all bad can distort our perspective, believing something is all good can too.

When the brain wants the good thing

When we're expecting something wonderful, we can become highly invested in the outcome.

We anticipate it. Think about it. Move towards it. Look for evidence that supports what we already believe - and sometimes overlook information that doesn't fit the movie we've created.

The job feels completely secure, so we ignore the signs that things are changing.

The holiday has to be amazing, so there's enormous expectation attached to it before we've even packed a bag.

We trust someone completely, so we dismiss the little moments that suggest perhaps we should be more discerning about what we share.

The perfect guy turns out to have bad days and real problems.

Then reality happens.

The job ends. The holiday is disappointing. The person tells someone. The perfect guy gets hangry.

And suddenly we're dealing not only with what happened, but with the enormous gap between the movie we were expecting and the movie we actually got.

The emotional crash

This is where the Bad Good Movie differs from the Good Bad Movie.

When something feels ALL BAD, our instinct is to avoid. When we can't guarantee that avoidance, fear, anxiety and panic can build around the possibility of it happening.

When something feels ALL GOOD, our impulse is to seek. We move towards the anticipated reward and can become increasingly attached to the outcome.

When reality doesn't match that expectation, there can be a significant emotional crash -disappointment, withdrawal, hopelessness and periods of low mood.

So we're going to give the brain another version of the movie before it gets too attached to the ending.

Put the good movie on the big screen

Take the situation out of your head and put it onto an imaginary movie screen.

Give it a suitably dramatic title:

"My Job Is Completely Safe."

"Best Weekend EVER."

"She Would NEVER Tell."

"He is PERFECT.”

Then ask the question we don't particularly like asking when we're excited about something:

What could be BAD about this “good” thing?

What might not go according to plan? What evidence am I overlooking? What am I assuming? What could disappoint me? What would I do if this didn't turn out the way I'm expecting?

We're not trying to turn something good into something bad.

We're challenging the idea that it is 100% good.

Balance isn't pessimism

This practice isn't about becoming cynical, suspicious or expecting everything to go wrong.

You can trust someone without deciding they're incapable of disappointing you.

You can be excited about a holiday without requiring it to be the best week of your life.

You can love your job while recognising that circumstances change.

You can look forward to something enormously while leaving room for reality to be different from the movie in your head.

That's not pessimism.

It's perspective.

By allowing the brain to see both sides, we give it new evidence: Even if this happens, it may not be 100% good.

And that can help us make clearer choices, notice information we've been overlooking and reduce how completely our wellbeing becomes attached to one particular outcome.

Make your own Bad Good Movie

The Bad Good Movie is the companion practice to my Good Bad Movie.

One asks us to question:

“Is this really ALL bad?”

The other asks:

“Is this really ALL good?”

Because our brains love certainty - but life rarely exists at either extreme.

Sometimes the most regulating place we can find is somewhere in the middle, where we can hold the excitement without needing the fantasy, notice the risks without becoming afraid of them, and meet what actually happens with a little more perspective.

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