How did I get here?! ... and other choices you made out of Fear

Your choices are constantly influenced by how safe your nervous system feels in the moment.

How choosing what you don't actually value has you surviving for external approval in

stead of thriving in your truth.

Have you ever looked at your life and quietly thought:

“How did I get here?” Or even more honestly…“Why do I keep choosing things that don’t feel like me?”

This isn’t a lack of clarity, willpower, or self-awareness. It’s your brain doing exactly what it was designed to do.

Your internal filter: The RAS

At the centre of this is the Reticular Activating System (RAS) - a network in your brainstem that filters the overwhelming amount of information around you.

At any moment, your brain is taking in:

• thousands of visual cues,

• sounds, sensations,

• internal thoughts and memories.

  
  

But you only consciously register a tiny fraction. The RAS decides what makes it through.

It acts like a spotlight, highlighting what matters - and then like a bodyguard, quietly filtering out the rest.

But what does it think, matters?!

Here’s the key: Your RAS filters based on what your system believes is important for your safety and survival. That includes:

• Your beliefs (conscious and unconscious),

• Your past experiences,

• And most importantly: Your intrinsic values (whether conscious or not).

But there’s another player in this process: your Vagus Nerve, the main highway of the parasympathetic nervous system.

The Vagus Nerve connection

The Vagus Nerve is your body’s safety signal line. It communicates directly with the heart, lungs, and digestive system - and sends feedback to your brain about whether the world feels safe or threatening.

• When your Vagus signals safety:

  • Your RAS can highlight opportunities, creativity, connection.

  • You notice what truly matters to you.

    
    

• When your Vagus signals threat or fear:

  • Your RAS over-prioritises danger, disapproval, or what will keep you safe.

  • Your own needs, intuition, and desires get filtered out.

    
    

In other words, your choices are constantly influenced by how safe your nervous system feels in the moment.

Values: The invisible settings running your life

Your values act like the settings in your nervous system. They tell your brain:

• what to notice,

• what to prioritise,

• what to move toward or away from.

  
  

When your values are clear:

• your RAS highlights opportunities aligned with who you really are,

• your Vagus Nerve is more likely to signal safety,

• decision-making becomes aligned and confident.

  
  

When your values are unclear, or borrowed from others:

• your RAS and Vagus Nerve may default to fear-based scanning,

• you notice threats and avoid discomfort instead of following your truth,

• choices feel “safe” but misaligned.

  
  

The people-pleasing pattern

This becomes a deeply wired pattern:

1. Your system learned:

   • “Connection = adapt”.

   • “Being myself = risk rejection”.

2. Your RAS scans for:

   • Approval,

   • Disapproval,

   • Emotional shifts in others.

3. Your Vagus Nerve stays on alert (fight/flight/freeze).

4. Your own intuition and preferences get filtered out.

   
   

Over time, this leads to choices that look “right” externally - but feel misaligned inside.

Why it feels so convincing

This is neurological wiring, not a moral failing.

Your RAS works closely with:

• the Limbic System (threat + emotion)

• the Prefrontal Cortex (rationalisation)

The Vagus Nerve signals safety or threat to these systems, guiding attention and emotional responses - so even 'logical' decisions can actually be fear-driven.

The cost of living this way

Over time, you may notice:

• a quiet sense of disconnection from yourself,

• difficulty making decisions,

• burnout or resentment,

• a life that looks “fine” but doesn’t feel fulfilling because your system has been oriented toward: external alignment, not internal truth.

The good news? This can change.

You don’t need to “fix” yourself. You need to retrain the filter: RAS + Vagus + Limbic System -to prioritise your authentic, instrinsic values.

Reconnecting to your Intrinsic Values

1. Notice what feels true (even if inconvenient)

2. Observe your patterns (fear vs alignment)

3. Ask better questions in the moment:

   • “Am I choosing safety or truth?”

   • “What would I do if I felt fully safe?”

4. Take small, authentic actions

   • Each choice sends a signal to your RAS and Vagus Nerve: “It’s safe to be me.”

     
     

From survival to thrival

You’re not lost. You’re not broken. You’ve been living in a system prioritising safety.

Now, with awareness, your RAS + Vagus Nerve can guide you toward a life shaped by your values, not fear.

Contact Tani on 0413 939 527 if you'd like support to identify what actually matters to you and how to transcend the fear of loss of those who may disapprove of you choosing for your Heart and Intrinsic Truth.